It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. Since I spent most of my time writing on here bitching, I figure it’s a nice change of pace to actually write about an update in my life and not just complaining about my problems and not doing anything about them. By cultivating this mindset I think that can lead to a healthier life.

The past couple of years have been lazy, yet busy. My days mostly consisted of going to work and playing niche online games. But I’ve made a lot of changes in the past year or so, from moving to Midland, Texas in February 2024 to dealing the World Series of Poker and playing poker full time. I now have a stable job, a non-zero net worth, and some hope that I’ll be able to survive as a human being. I also met great people here in Midland that I hope I will keep in touch with my entire life. Of course, that relationship upkeep is on my responsibility. But I like it nonetheless.

I’ve been dealing poker and a lot of it has been good. I don’t enjoy it, though. I figure I will be working to make enough money to start playing full-time and then get out. But I also want to do other things with my life too, because it is kind of a soul-sucking job – a bit less than corporate settings to be fair, but still not great – and I need to be able to have my own business instead of trading my time for money.

Ideally, my life would consist of a healthy social life, a business I can come to and manage on a daily basis, and a life I can truly be satisfied with dealing challenges over and over again. That’s tough to accomplish, and currently I am living in a state of constant dopamine. In this world it is difficult to achieve that. But to get into a nirvana-like state with this ideal life, I think it is possible, and I am going to work towards it.

I don’t really visualize. I probably should, and this type of distraction makes it more difficult for me to focus on certain things. Hopefully by this time next year, I will have a more organized and stable mindset and be able to accomplish what I want to.

I need to be with a girlfriend so I can make life easier to bear.

I’ve been in this mental ward for the past few days. Two people really thought that America is a place where people actually shoot guns in the street. What the fuck is the media showing these people?

Desperate for a girlfriend really bad. Damn I be down bad for some intimacy. Haha..

My destiny is to be with a real woman that i truly and deeply love, and she does too, forever and ever.

At the end of the day all I seem to want is real, deep intimacy with a woman I can embrace and that she can too.

Im not lonely n sad ur lonely and sad

Where do I belong?

I am supposed to know where I am going.

Where the fuck am I actually going? What am I doing with my life? Nothing seems worth pursuing. What do I do to find out where to go next? What am I creating for myself?

I need to get laid really badly. It is past the point of horniness, just an odd desire to procreate. Primal instincts? I just need to super duper do it. I do not know why. I need some help and I need some pussy.