December 1st, 2017

I hate my job.

I really fucking do. I hate so much about my job.

Not everything. My job has awesome benefits. I get paid reasonably well – $35,000 a year is nothing to laugh at. I get free lunch, pretty damn good Korean food from a variety of choices. We have a coffee machine, and it’s a small team so communication is pretty easy.

But I hate the work, and I just feel like I don’t fit in at all. I try, I keep trying to make conversation, and talk about things that are interesting or that they would find interesting, whether it be bitcoin or Korean things or whatever. But I think the language barrier is the thing most in play here.

The two managers are Korean-American, but the GM – it’s just us 4 in the office – is almost fully Korean. We speak basically only Korean in the office. I have very little confidence speaking Korean, in fact I have very little confidence speaking period. I have very little confidence, period. Maybe that’s the real issue here.

Actually, that definitely is the real issue here.

I am not proactive enough. I am not out there trying to make things happen because I simply have no desire for this job itself. I don’t want a career in this industry right now, I do not want to spend 9-6 every single day for years and years doing meaningless freight forwarding work that has no real implications on society.

I don’t know. There are a lot of issues. I have a lot of issues. I have narcissistic tendencies and have no friends. I’m boring and I am not very organized right now, nor am I very accurate or trustworthy at this stage of my life.

But I just feel like an outsider in so many places even though I just try to be myself.

I have a lot of issues and my head is not organized right now. I suck. I have low self-esteem. I hate 90% of what my work is and that does not help in the slightest.