A word about projection.
Projecting is the act of assuming one’s own qualities onto others. Because one has a certain characteristic or thought or feeling about something, they automatically assume, aka “project,” the same qualities onto another target person.
The overall understanding of this quality is, in my opinion, one of the most important distinctions to make for anyone to make. All humans, at least the ones I meet, seem to project in one way or another, whether it be as simple as reading someone’s face and saying “you like strawberries” or the little kids’ retort in the recess playground, “I know you are, but what am I?”
Catching yourself before projecting is something I do quite often. Because I am a bit slower to learn new things and view myself as quite unintelligent, I tend to notice when people are being exactly that and I feel the need to point it out. Obviously I have emotionally matured to the point where I keep it to myself and forget about it, but in my younger days I pointed it out far too frequently and got myself in a lot of socially displeasing positions, and thus spent a majority of my time alone.
Even now, I see people projecting all the time. For example, one of my friends said to another one of my friends today in a group chat, “Dude, you’re always so negative.” This was coming from the most pessimistic person I know, who spends most of Sundays texting me complaining about things out of his control constantly and airs negativity out onto others. (Yes, he is insufferable, but he is still a friend.)
The problem with understanding this projection is that, at least for me, you become curious and wonder if every little thing is a projection. For example, is me pointing out that my friend is negative actually pointing out my own flaw that I am negative? Am I actually the bad guy in this scenario because I’m projecting?
The answer is, as in most cases, yes and no. I may be projecting to some degree because I am negative, but I am not that negative to the degree of complaining about things that are out of my control constantly.
That also makes it true that one can be projecting and also be making true statements. I like burritos, therefore I may project that someone else, who has certain similar qualities as I, also likes burritos, and that can be true. Of course, opinions can change, and feelings are not facts, so I am careful not to use that language to make it so that this is not the case.
Most importantly, one needs to understand that projection is done by most humans, as I stated before. I am not immune to it, and neither are you. It is a psychological characteristics that makes us human. It is what makes assuming so dangerous. It is one of the single most common tactic of narcissistic human beings to devalue you. Understand it, be careful, you are not immune, and most of all, “I know you are, but what am I?”
KEVIN KIM 