About to go on my first acid trip. It is 11:43PM. I am scared, nervous, and excited. Yes, I am alone. Yes, I am somewhat prepared. I have this laptop in front of me to record all these thoughts.
It’s been like three minutes. I’ve felt the severity of the chemicals enter my bloodstream, or my brain, I’m not sure which. There was subtle impact. Now I am just waiting for it to take place, really.
12:15 ish, starting to laugh a lot, not even on any weed at all. Starting to get shortness of breath, just chillin. I feel good man.
12:30. Still laughing, still chillin. Still got like 15 min left. Not much has happened yet I’m just waiting for the impact, really. Thinking of getting some tea. Warm foods may be good in a little while.
12:35. I smoked a bowl. I’m feeling really lethargic, extremely happy! More than just forcibly laughing, I feel genuinely happy and am smiling. I want to keep a happy mood going.
Read something online about something about thought loops. Yeah, I’ll probably try to resist them. They’ll end up coming back about something about thought loops. LOL!!
Yeah, but I don’t see anything quite yet. My words feel a bit more powerful, like I know which word I’m going to insert at each given point, so that’s a nice confidence booster.
An hour has passed, and all I’m doing right now is smiling and just chillin and hanging out. I want to keep this mood man! It feels pretty damn good, I’m shaking, I got energy and my hands feel a bit shakey as I type all this.
I’m trying to wonder how much I took, because maybe I’m not getting the full effects. I took one tab, which Stephen said was 10mg, and I kept it under my tongue for around 2 minutes or so before swallowing it. I’ve heard there’s no discernible difference, however, this was from users who’ve done it a long time. It’s really not that important, but I hope I stay nice and high for the duration of the intended trip.
1:01AM: Still chillin. Talking to myself as I’m navigating through everything. I feel my words are flowing while I don’t see anything new or unusual yet, no hallucinations are really coming up.
I feel pretty happy overall, except one thing – a general sense of loneliness and wanting to be with someone. I do not know if this means as a relationship or just as a means of companionship. I just feel a bit empty inside, I think I always have been, and maybe that’s just part of who I am and I have to accept that.
I am tearing up a little bit while writing. Interesting. First time I’ve felt any mood other than happiness for a while! (Laughter on my end.)
Good to know I can make myself laugh still.
1:07AM: Damn holy shit! My mood still good. It may be coming down though not sure. I’m feeling a little sad or maybe I just don’t feel physically 100% right now due to cough/ dizziness. Regardless, I’ll be fine.
1:57AM: Wow, holy shit. I am feeling a mixture of emotions. I’m going from up and down to up and down constantly, it seems. I’m riding the wave.
Still shaking some. Especially when typing. Especially when self-aware? Not sure exactly. Something to do with the heart.
The root of my problems are a lot more deeper than I thought huh.
I should just play the poker and be like how much do I win how much do I lose just from playing pretty much optimally. IDK it seems like fun.
seems like something to do while passing the time wondering how to fill the gaping hole in my heart 😦 😦 :(.
cry cry cry LOL in one end I’m laughing at my self for feeling so bad about myself, but on the other end I’m actually really sad.
I wish I could just BE. without always needing to balance or smth. 😦
It’s ok. I had some happy times now I deserve to have some unhappy. That’s just how it is.
4am: Wow that was a crazy trip, I went from up and down and up and down, I want to do it again, but maybe with someone, or a group of people. This just felt so lonely.
KEVIN KIM 