It starts off small, with just a few polite words. Honestly, it’s mostly me faking being nice while knowing in the back that you’re the one running the show.
Every time I signal that the whale is approaching the table you appear. I don’t even have to say it, because even though you are not necessarily the one that makes the choices, you know where the money is. Deep Throat doesn’t need to make an appearance because you already conquered Watergate long ago.
I can’t resist your kiss as the lipstick gets all over my cheeks. I start to kiss your neck and kiss you slowly, a three second interval between each kiss, two inches apart every time.
It’s almost a minute and in my head I’m like “I want this RIGHT NOW,” to the point of where I just can’t fucking help it.
But I have to be patient, and I am, for your plump, perfect areola on your right breast is waiting for my lips to surround them. They do and my teeth sink ever so slightly onto your tit as I notice out of the corner of my eye that your eyes become slightly wider, and at the slightest shade of a red cheek, I get my right hand and rub your other nipple in between my thumb and index finger ever so slightly.
We are playing the game. You can’t moan, lol, and I see you folding your lips back and I immediately know that you’re holding your pleasure in. Do you even notice? Because that’s the point that I notice that we haven’t even gotten out of the parking lot, just standing there in between a couple of lightposts and a small, red car looking at us as if the headlights are on.
I reach back and look at you for a while, and you just stare back. We both know what we want right now.
“You gave me hope,” I whisper into her ear. Somehow – “what! THATS what gets you going? no way” – I think as I feel your right hand grab and squeeze my ass. But then the slip of the two fingers reaching into my back pocket.
“What the fuck are you doing?” I ask, as you smile and reply.
“Nothing!”
“Babe your wallet is in your fingers. I see it clear as day,” I say.
“This was part of the deal,” you reply.
Part of the deal, huh?
Part of the deal…
I can’t, haha. I don’t reply. I’m not in the mood anymore for some reason. You sense my apprehension and put your coat back on. I feel terrible. But now I can tell, this was your goal.
And you still have my wallet.
“I swear if you took anything…”
But of course, the forty dollars I’d actually saved for us to go to dinner, was what you’ve taken. I want to run after you, I really do, but in the back of my mind there’s a flash of red, a bloody knife, and a cut neck.
You’ve already walked away. I thought I was your ride, but you’re a pro, you have several arrangements. Honestly, this is not how it’s supposed to go. My throat starts to throb as I realize the victim will end up being me, not you.
“Of course I love you!” I say as you run into the street. Why did I even say that? I don’t even remember.
And of course now I do. “You don’t love me!” was what you’d said. But I reacted. I shouldn’t have even reacted. But I do love you – while that’s the farthest thing from your mind.
As the minivan rolls onto the highway and off to the street I think to myself, how did we get in this situation? I don’t even know. I thought it was cultivated from trust and love but it seems like that’s thrown out the window. But it seems I had broken the rule. Oops..
You’re not supposed to bite the forbidden fruit.
KEVIN KIM 