October 25, 2020

A week since I dared to write again. I don’t know where the time
goes. Todays Sunday I know because I can see through my window the people
going into the church across the street. I think I laid in bed all week but
I remember Mrs Mooney bringing me food a few times and asking if I was sick.
What am I going to do with myself? I cant just hang around here all alone
and look out the window. Ive got to get hold of myself. I keep saying over
and over that Ive got to do something but then I forget or maybe its just
easier not to do what I say I’m going to do.
I still have some books from the library but a lot of them are too hard for me. I
read a lot of mystery stories now and books about kings and queens from old
times. I read a book about a man who thought he was a knight and went out on an
old horse with his friend. But no matter what he did he always ended up getting
beaten and hurt. Like when he thought the windmills were dragons. At first I
thought it was a silly book because if he wasnt crazy he could see that windmills
werent dragons and there is no such thing as sorcerers and enchanted castles but
then I rememberd that there was something else it was all supposed to mean –
something the story didnt say but only hinted at. Like there was other meanings. But
I dont know what. That made me angry because I think I used to know. But I’m keeping
up with my reading and learning new things every day and I know its going to help me.
I know I should have written some progress reports before this so they will
know whats happening to me. But writing is harder. I have to look up even
simple words in the dictionary now and it makes me angry with myself.