I am generally kinda sad. I don’t really have anywhere else to type this but I just have a general lack of motivation. Things don’t seem to really matter or go anywhere. I am just lonely, I think. But it’ll get better, it always does, as long as I follow the good path.

How did it even happen? I am crying so much right now. It is all being poured out, just coming out and out and out. My heart seems to be not freezing necessarily but the ability to take it. Counting numbers is better and even tae kwon do you get a be si=timulation from it.

I think that’s all I hav eto really say about this. The emotion is overwhelming. Love is the answer…

Shame, sadness, confusion, jealousy. An understand and yet in theory. One can change, no?

However, one is stuck in the first instance they were given. One can accept and perhaps use science as the answer as well.

Genetics, science, and good girls are the answer to my (society’s) problems. I am doing well and safe. Hope everyone is happy and well and come out of this time a better people. With love.

Weird how change is so hard. It’s just unnatural to do so. Just adjusting to anything other than what I’m used to should, in theory, be difficult. I think it’s just about getting used to the natural constants we have around us.

Every day you can make it the good old days.

Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve this. Then I realize, I probably did something that caused it in the first place.

Most of the time though, it’s somebody else inflicting the damage on me. I’m too nice, I wish I could be… a bit meaner, a bit badder sometimes. I’m just so tired of having to be around sociopaths all the time trying to steal my shit.

My ears are a bit cold @_@

I don’t have anything particular I want to write about today. Moreover, I don’t have anything particular I need to write about today.

I am bored, tired, and my ears are cold, like I already said. I am curating simple, stupid lists of poetry in my brain that’s more or less useless and similar to what that kid that I lived next door to was functioning on.

I feel like a little kid sometimes. In fact, I feel like I cannot function living on my own. In reality, of course I can. If you dropped me in the middle of nowhere (not literally but say like a random city in Iowa or something), I would be able to function. Eventually I would be able to.

I hate being too nice. I feel like I can never accomplish anything due to how kind I am. This is why I need to be alone a lot of the time so I’m not influenced so much by stupid little shit(s).

Today wasn’t the best day, but that’s ok. I don’t feel the greatest right now. I feel bitchy and moody and just hate everybody. But it’s not always like that. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

I’d just like to hope that I impacted your life in a positive way, whoever you are, wherever you are, whatever you do, however you do it.

I just had a really weird dream. I was in a situation where gemini moon signs were in my mind. I did a little bit of merchanting within maplestory, left with my store open, didn’t think much about it. I went around town looking for something to eat, had a bit of trouble. Next thing I know I had logged back into maple and saw I had like 150 mil in the storage that I hadn’t touched.

The next scene involves me going up in a balloon. Not like a hot air balloon, just a few balloons. I didn’t mean to go all the way up, but I kept going up and up and up. But I started going too far up, and before long I was yelling for help but a bunch of people saw me down there and couldn’t do anything. I called my dad, my cell phone was at like 8%. I asked him for help but before I could say anything he just said, well hold on hang up first and he just hung up. Typical dad. While continuing to go up, I just woke up.

I’m scared. I don’t know what this dream means. I’ve always felt like I was up in the air in the first place. If I’m going to come back down I need to make sure that I can come back down safely. I think watching captain phillips scared the living shit out of me last night.